I Still Remember

Stuck awake while the undead feed, I play guitar 'til my fingers bleed

The notes and chords, the sting of strings

Help me to mull over things

The rhythm pumping through my veins

soothes my soul as night-time wanes

Our time apart has me feeling blue

So I write a poem just for you

"Dear love" it says "I cannot see, the reasons you're avoiding me"

Then rambles on for ten more lines

And ends up being a waste of time

For how can this bring back the bliss, that once accompanied a kiss

From lips so soft and sweet and perfect

The taste of which make waking worth it

I know I've got this out of sorts

My bitter mind does too much thought

But something's keeping us apart

And cutting through my wasted heart

The pills wear off, the dam wall blows and before too long there's tears a-flow

My heaving breath prolongs my death AND PRETTY SOON THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

BUT A WASTED SMILE AND THOUGHTS SO VILE

A MURDERER WHO STANDS ON TRIAL

WOULD SHAKE HIS HEAD IN SHOCK TO SEE THE MONSTER THAT RESIDES IN ME

But no, I've taken this too far

I've blown it out beyond the stars

There's nothing wrong, I'm over-tired. Caffeine problem's got me wired

I know that soon your smile I'll see

From gloomy thoughts I'll soon be free

I trust you with my beating heart and cannot wait for life to start

So now to rest my weary head

And banish this unfounded dread

I fill my mind with hope and dreams and seal it tightly at the seams

My love for you is beating strong

And quick do I admit my wrongs

To sleep I go, with no more fear

For soon I know I'll have you

Here

Scumfuck

To be perfectly honest, it scares me senseless.
I feel quite sick thinking about it.

The Weight of the World

After listening to a few minutes of Hack earlier today, where they discussed depression and other similar ailments, I feel like posting my views on the topic in an attempt to show that not all sufferers of this "mental disability" are as thick as two short planks.

What the general public fails to understand, as well as the hosts of current affair radio shows it seems, is that people who are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their depression with their family or friends are most often just idiots who've had a bad day and got it into their heads that there's something wrong with them.

Depression is not shameful. Nor is it embarrassing. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and nothing more. Depression is caused by lack of serotonin, not getting dumped, losing someone close to you, getting fired etc. That's grief, sadness, loneliness, melancholy and so on. Those feelings are all symptoms of depression for sure, but they're still caused by your brain not an outside event.

Now obviously I'm no expert, but being someone who suffers from depression and has sought professional help for it I feel I can speak without fear of any major conflict. I'm so tired of hearing about people's huge battles with depression and how it's such a struggle to overcome. IT'S NOT! Yes, some people have a really hard time dealing with it, people feel so terrible that they want to kill themselves, and some of them actually do it. But you have to actually let yourself get to that point. If you recognise it for what it is and do something about it then depression is as easy to deal with as a common cold.

There's only two steps for God's sake. Long term, you take medication to fix the chemical problems in your brain that cause it, short term you FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE. If you keep it all to yourself you're an idiot and deserve to feel unhappy. You don't even have to talk to someone you know, anyone who'll listen will do. I've told my doctor about this blog and why I started it and he said it's the best thing I could have done to help. Talking about how you feel get's everything off your chest and makes you feel like you have someone by your side to help, even if they don't say anything.

I'm not in any way trying to make light of depression, it's a serious problem and professional help should be sought as soon as possible, I'm just pissed off that it seems to be the latest "fashion" when it comes to health problems.