Iridescent

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope but failure's all you've known.

Remember all the sadness and frustration,

and let it go. Let it go."

-LP

The Royal We

"When it's all over and you open your eyes, you'll see the world turned on it's side, and you'll be lying by a note on the floor signed;

The Royal We"

I no longer want to be at uni. The quote "to study something is to kill it" seems apt at this stage. I don't know if it's just the units I have this semester, or the other crap that's going on in my head or my body building up a resistance to my meds but I no longer have any motivation towards my course. My passion for design is untouched, I just find myself wishing I could fast forward to after I've got my degree. Or get a job without one.

I get no enjoyment out of anything I have to do for my assignments, and they all seem like a waste of time. I want to be doing design for my own enjoyment or for financial gain, not for marks and results.

I still see the value in my course, I just think that I've learnt enough now that I'd benefit more by learning in a work environment. I looked at TAFE options to see if that would be any better, and I think it would, but it would also mean another 3 years of study before I could start work proper.

I'll stick it out for the rest of the semester, obviously, but I think I'm going to have to do a lot of soul searching during the holidays.